thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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