He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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