you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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