Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my shit smells like andre
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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