I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
