Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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