shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
