you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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