until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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