Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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