Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
