I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
