She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
