if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
