The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
