WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Someone shattered a urinal.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
