kristin has been a bad kristin
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
