Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
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I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
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You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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