She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
