dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
