Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
