just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
