Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
