oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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