Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
