Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
