Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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