don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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