The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
