If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
