I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
