Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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