I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
