i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize