I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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