remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
cat food counts as protein by the way
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
