This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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