and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
