"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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