I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
