Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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