pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
