good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
