the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
