you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
