but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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