Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
