Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
