Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
