My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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