I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
