I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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