What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
