hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize