Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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