Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
