Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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