Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
