babies were throwing up all over the place
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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