I just saw a hot homeless man
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
