There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
