Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
it glows. i had to have it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
