if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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