Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You smell like stripper and shame
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
