If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
