grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
