i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
