I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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